Oh jeepers, I've become one of those bloggers. You know, one who only writes something every couple of months. Sigh. I did not write one single blog post in the month of June. If I want to remember these years in South Carolina, I better change my habits.
Highlights of June:
*Celebrating my dad's 85th birthday with the family in North Carolina.
*Seeing a childhood friend. I recently discovered that she lives very near my parents in North Carolina! We spent so much time together in grades 6-12. Lots of walks to school, lots of time after school, there was even that one time we thought we should jog together in the evenings. ha. We hadn't seen each other for 30ish years. I hope to be able to see her again.
*Having more dentist appointments in one month than is tolerable. (I had to get a crown which meant a temporary crown and then another temporary crown to replace that one and then the permanent crown and then some adjustments to that crown. I still have periodic mild pain and am hoping that I won't have to have a root canal.) My dentist thinks I am a really funny person because I kept cracking jokes while she was digging around in my mouth. But what she doesn't know is that I was trying to be sarcastic because it kept me from crying. After one of those appointments I sat in the car and cried for 5 minutes because I felt overwhelmed. The upside of all that dental work is I felt like I needed a chocolate malt after every time my mouth was numbed. Yum.
*Throwing a dinner party for 12 people. We invited our Community Bible Study group over for a meal. We grilled and everyone else brought side dishes. It was fun to have our dining room full. We haven't had friends over like that for probably seven years.
*Finishing two quilts, one for my daughter-in-law and one for my soon-to-be grandson.
*Having a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist. I still am feeling some mild symptoms so the nurse practitioner I was seeing made me wear an event monitor. I've worn those before and I despise them. I negotiated her down to two weeks instead of four. I don't see the cardiologist about that until August. I am so ready to be done with all this health stuff.
*Flying to the Midwest the last day of June for ten days of seeing family. More on that coming up.
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Health ::: The Deep Stuff and All the Feelings
I wrote in my last post about all the health stuff I've been through so far this year. But I've been thinking a lot about how God has been working in me and what He's been teaching me through all of this.
The morning after my thyroid surgery, before I left the hospital, the surgeon stopped in for a brief visit. He mentioned in his comments that he would be calling me before the day was over with results from the pathology report. First of all, I was surprised that there would be a pathology report because I understood that the biopsy done earlier had come back as benign. Second of all, I was surprised that I would hear results that day.
As it turns out, I did not hear anything that day or for the next week. And I think I only finally heard because I called the office and my wonderful, caring husband called the office to ask what in the world was going on. As I said before, every day spent waiting for medical test results seems soooo loooong. I should never have been promised something that might not happen.
The night before I got the call was a tough one for me. I was praying that God would spare me from cancer. I was convinced that I was going to die soon and never get to see my grandchildren grow up. (I can be be quite the drama queen in my own head and am an expert at jumping to the worse case scenario. It's exhausting.) I thought about some close friends who had gotten news that the prostate cancer was all gone. I was convinced that God used up all His goodness on them and there wasn't any left for me. In other words, I was listening to all the doubts that Satan could muster up. I woke up my dear, patient hubby at 2 or 3 in the morning and poured all this out to him. I asked what could I do to make God be favorable to me. Dearest Hubby assured me that Christ had already done everything for me by His death on the cross and the fact that I had accepted Jesus into my life, well, that alone found me favor in God's eyes. Hubby assured me that I am precious to God. These are truths that I know in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time really believing. I also know in my head that life in heaven is so beyond what I can comprehend here. I have a feeling that whenever I get to heaven that I will smack myself and wonder why I wanted to fight so hard to stay on earth.
So, finally, a week after the thyroid surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. The summary of the report was that the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer that could only be seen through a microscope. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)
This news just knocked me off my feet. I cried for an hour. And by cry, I mean I sobbed. I called Hubby and my kids. They rejoiced with me. Even sweet little Lydia clapped her hands when her mommy cheered. I called a good friend in Minnesota and talked for an hour. (I thanked her recently for being there for me and for listening while I processed the whole thing.)
Just think ..... If my heart would not have starting racing and I would not have gone to the ER back in December, I would not have had the CT scan that showed something on my thyroid. I would not have had an ultrasound that showed nodules (the doctor couldn't feel any lumps on my neck). I would not have had the surgery that removed the half of the thyroid that had the microscopic bit of cancer. The cancer would have grown undetected until it got to the point that someone felt a lump in my throat and I would have had to go through cancer treatments.
Talk about answers to impossible prayers!! I am seriously trying to wrap my mind around all of this. God did all that for ME?? Whoa. He must think more of me than I give Him credit for.
(This next paragraph may seem like I'm changing subjects, but bear with me, it all ties together.)
I am the youngest in the family I grew up in. For several years for family events, I have quite often felt like I was there only to fill a quota. Because there are four kids in my family, then there must be four kids present at family gatherings. I don't feel acknowledged for the person I uniquely am. I realized a while ago that is exactly how I think God views me. Sure, He loves me because I am His child, but generally I am just one of the gang, one of the swarm of believers. There's nothing particularly special about me.
(Isn't it interesting how the earthly relationships we have can affect how we view God? I find that fascinating.)
So, when I got that pathology report, I realized that God said that He notices ME. (That's why I sobbed. It was a mind boggling revelation.) He really does think of me more than I give Him credit for. Heck, Psalm 139 specifically speaks to that. (Click on the link and go read it.) His kindness is staggering. His unconditional love is more than I can ever hope to comprehend.
I know that in all likelihood I will experience more health issues in the future. They might even be scarier and harder to deal with. That will not change the fact that God notices me and that He loves me and He is kind. I am oh, so very thankful for God showing me these things right here, right now. It's all a part of His plan. It's all a part of growing more like Christ. It's all a part of being a Christian.
I'm thankful to be a (unique) part of the family of God.
The morning after my thyroid surgery, before I left the hospital, the surgeon stopped in for a brief visit. He mentioned in his comments that he would be calling me before the day was over with results from the pathology report. First of all, I was surprised that there would be a pathology report because I understood that the biopsy done earlier had come back as benign. Second of all, I was surprised that I would hear results that day.
As it turns out, I did not hear anything that day or for the next week. And I think I only finally heard because I called the office and my wonderful, caring husband called the office to ask what in the world was going on. As I said before, every day spent waiting for medical test results seems soooo loooong. I should never have been promised something that might not happen.
The night before I got the call was a tough one for me. I was praying that God would spare me from cancer. I was convinced that I was going to die soon and never get to see my grandchildren grow up. (I can be be quite the drama queen in my own head and am an expert at jumping to the worse case scenario. It's exhausting.) I thought about some close friends who had gotten news that the prostate cancer was all gone. I was convinced that God used up all His goodness on them and there wasn't any left for me. In other words, I was listening to all the doubts that Satan could muster up. I woke up my dear, patient hubby at 2 or 3 in the morning and poured all this out to him. I asked what could I do to make God be favorable to me. Dearest Hubby assured me that Christ had already done everything for me by His death on the cross and the fact that I had accepted Jesus into my life, well, that alone found me favor in God's eyes. Hubby assured me that I am precious to God. These are truths that I know in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time really believing. I also know in my head that life in heaven is so beyond what I can comprehend here. I have a feeling that whenever I get to heaven that I will smack myself and wonder why I wanted to fight so hard to stay on earth.
So, finally, a week after the thyroid surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. The summary of the report was that the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer that could only be seen through a microscope. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)
This news just knocked me off my feet. I cried for an hour. And by cry, I mean I sobbed. I called Hubby and my kids. They rejoiced with me. Even sweet little Lydia clapped her hands when her mommy cheered. I called a good friend in Minnesota and talked for an hour. (I thanked her recently for being there for me and for listening while I processed the whole thing.)
Just think ..... If my heart would not have starting racing and I would not have gone to the ER back in December, I would not have had the CT scan that showed something on my thyroid. I would not have had an ultrasound that showed nodules (the doctor couldn't feel any lumps on my neck). I would not have had the surgery that removed the half of the thyroid that had the microscopic bit of cancer. The cancer would have grown undetected until it got to the point that someone felt a lump in my throat and I would have had to go through cancer treatments.
Talk about answers to impossible prayers!! I am seriously trying to wrap my mind around all of this. God did all that for ME?? Whoa. He must think more of me than I give Him credit for.
(This next paragraph may seem like I'm changing subjects, but bear with me, it all ties together.)
I am the youngest in the family I grew up in. For several years for family events, I have quite often felt like I was there only to fill a quota. Because there are four kids in my family, then there must be four kids present at family gatherings. I don't feel acknowledged for the person I uniquely am. I realized a while ago that is exactly how I think God views me. Sure, He loves me because I am His child, but generally I am just one of the gang, one of the swarm of believers. There's nothing particularly special about me.
(Isn't it interesting how the earthly relationships we have can affect how we view God? I find that fascinating.)
So, when I got that pathology report, I realized that God said that He notices ME. (That's why I sobbed. It was a mind boggling revelation.) He really does think of me more than I give Him credit for. Heck, Psalm 139 specifically speaks to that. (Click on the link and go read it.) His kindness is staggering. His unconditional love is more than I can ever hope to comprehend.
I know that in all likelihood I will experience more health issues in the future. They might even be scarier and harder to deal with. That will not change the fact that God notices me and that He loves me and He is kind. I am oh, so very thankful for God showing me these things right here, right now. It's all a part of His plan. It's all a part of growing more like Christ. It's all a part of being a Christian.
I'm thankful to be a (unique) part of the family of God.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Health::: Just The Facts
This post will back up quite a ways, but I really want to remember what I have been through and, more importantly, how God has worked in my life.
Back in January I wrote this post about what was then the beginnings of some health issues I've been going through.
A brief summary: December 14th, my heart started racing and I went to the ER. While in the ER I had a CT scan. The CT scan showed something on my thyroid. I had an ultrasound on my thyroid and nodules were found on the right side. I was referred to a cardiologist and an surgeon.
Because of the nodules on the right side of my thyroid, I had a biopsy done. I got the results after waiting for two long weeks (I think the days are longer when you are waiting for test results) I learned that the biopsy showed no cancer. (!!) I had surgery scheduled for February 10.
February 4th Hubby and I went to the hospital for the pre-op meeting. That involved answering a thousand questions, telling multiple different people the same answers to the same questions and trying my darnedest to not get super annoyed. (I will NEVER understand some things about the medical world.)
February 10th we showed up at 11am at the hospital for all the checking in process. And yes, I answered those same questions, again. Sigh. My surgery was scheduled for 1:40pm. It was delayed 2 hours because of difficult cases before me. It was tough to wait. The anticipation of surgery is nerve-wracking and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since midnight before.
Once in the OR, all I remember is a couple of people working around me and talking about their kids. I thought I should join in the conversation, but was too sleepy. Surgery went as expected. When I woke up in recovery, I started crying because I was scared. I asked for my hubby so much, the nurse finally went to find him and brought him to where I was. I felt much calmer after he was there and was feeding me ice chips. He's the best.
I spent one night in the hospital. I expected to be very hungry for supper since I hadn't had anything to eat since the night before. But that wasn't so at all. My throat was very dry because of the breathing tube that was stuck down my throat during the surgery. I tried to eat supper, but it just didn't taste good and I just didn't have an appetite. I thought I would sleep really well due to drugs, but I did not. I woke up a lot.
The next morning consisted on getting me ready to go home. And waiting for the surgeon to come talk to me. I was out of the hospital shortly after 11am. (My stay in the hospital was pretty darn close to 24 hours.) All that sounded good for lunch was a Chick-fil-A peppermint-chocolate-chip-shake. That really hit the spot.
I spent the next several days just sleeping and trying to get back to normal. Two days after the surgery three ladies from our Bible study group brought food for us. We were very touched by their kindness. I cried when they left because I am so thankful we have friends here. It took me probably ten days to feel back to normal.
A week after the surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. the summary of the report was the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)
This is what I looked like for the two weeks after the surgery. I sorta felt like I was wearing a turtleneck. (I hate turtlenecks.) The resulting scar is very neat.
I have lots and lots more thoughts about all that that will be another blog post for another time.
March 17th was the date for my heart procedure. My cardiologist is an Electrophysiology specialist. (That means he deals with the electrical part of the heart and not the plumbing.) The goal of the heart procedure was to recreate the arrhythmia that happened in December and ablate (destroy) the cells that were causing the arrhythmia.
This time I was at the hospital by 7am. I figured I didn't really need to be alert, so it didn't matter how sleepy I was. This procedure is an outpatient procedure. I was home by 3 that afternoon.
I didn't have a general anesthesia for this, I was sedated. The procedure was supposed to take an hour and a half. It took three hours. The doctor accessed my heart through veins in my legs. Finding the problem area wasn't easy. The sedative made it difficult for them to recreate the arrhythmia, so they had to back off the medication and I ended up being awake for some of the procedure. That was quite uncomfortable and unnerving. Then they found 2 places that they ablated. It was scary and I cried a couple of times.
I was told that recovery would just be three or four days. I was told how to care for the places they stuck the tubes or whatever they used to get to my heart. I was not told what to expect in regards to how my heart would recover. I felt very tired and at times my heart felt irregular, my resting heart-rate was high. Two weeks later I finally called the cardiologist's office and talked to a nurse. She admitted that someone "forgot" to tell me what to expect regarding my heart. The places that were ablated were healing and it was normal for it to feel a bit irregular and not to worry about my heart rate. I was told it can take 6 weeks to three months to heal.
My conclusion to this is time will tell if my heart is healed. I have still felt some arrhythmia, but not anywhere near severe enough that I would go to the ER. I see the cardiologist June 17. It will be interesting to hear what he says then.
Oh and just to make more fun in my life...I had two almost 40 year old fillings replaced recently (and will probably have to get a crown on one of the molars) AND today I had an MRI (and even panicked in the MRI machine) to hopefully find out what has been causing my back pain. Yippee.
I know this may not be the most entertaining of blog posts. I just wanted to write it down so I can remember.
Next up....what God had been teaching me.
Back in January I wrote this post about what was then the beginnings of some health issues I've been going through.
A brief summary: December 14th, my heart started racing and I went to the ER. While in the ER I had a CT scan. The CT scan showed something on my thyroid. I had an ultrasound on my thyroid and nodules were found on the right side. I was referred to a cardiologist and an surgeon.
Because of the nodules on the right side of my thyroid, I had a biopsy done. I got the results after waiting for two long weeks (I think the days are longer when you are waiting for test results) I learned that the biopsy showed no cancer. (!!) I had surgery scheduled for February 10.
February 4th Hubby and I went to the hospital for the pre-op meeting. That involved answering a thousand questions, telling multiple different people the same answers to the same questions and trying my darnedest to not get super annoyed. (I will NEVER understand some things about the medical world.)
February 10th we showed up at 11am at the hospital for all the checking in process. And yes, I answered those same questions, again. Sigh. My surgery was scheduled for 1:40pm. It was delayed 2 hours because of difficult cases before me. It was tough to wait. The anticipation of surgery is nerve-wracking and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since midnight before.
Once in the OR, all I remember is a couple of people working around me and talking about their kids. I thought I should join in the conversation, but was too sleepy. Surgery went as expected. When I woke up in recovery, I started crying because I was scared. I asked for my hubby so much, the nurse finally went to find him and brought him to where I was. I felt much calmer after he was there and was feeding me ice chips. He's the best.
I spent one night in the hospital. I expected to be very hungry for supper since I hadn't had anything to eat since the night before. But that wasn't so at all. My throat was very dry because of the breathing tube that was stuck down my throat during the surgery. I tried to eat supper, but it just didn't taste good and I just didn't have an appetite. I thought I would sleep really well due to drugs, but I did not. I woke up a lot.
The next morning consisted on getting me ready to go home. And waiting for the surgeon to come talk to me. I was out of the hospital shortly after 11am. (My stay in the hospital was pretty darn close to 24 hours.) All that sounded good for lunch was a Chick-fil-A peppermint-chocolate-chip-shake. That really hit the spot.
I spent the next several days just sleeping and trying to get back to normal. Two days after the surgery three ladies from our Bible study group brought food for us. We were very touched by their kindness. I cried when they left because I am so thankful we have friends here. It took me probably ten days to feel back to normal.
A week after the surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. the summary of the report was the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)
This is what I looked like for the two weeks after the surgery. I sorta felt like I was wearing a turtleneck. (I hate turtlenecks.) The resulting scar is very neat.
March 17th was the date for my heart procedure. My cardiologist is an Electrophysiology specialist. (That means he deals with the electrical part of the heart and not the plumbing.) The goal of the heart procedure was to recreate the arrhythmia that happened in December and ablate (destroy) the cells that were causing the arrhythmia.
This time I was at the hospital by 7am. I figured I didn't really need to be alert, so it didn't matter how sleepy I was. This procedure is an outpatient procedure. I was home by 3 that afternoon.
I didn't have a general anesthesia for this, I was sedated. The procedure was supposed to take an hour and a half. It took three hours. The doctor accessed my heart through veins in my legs. Finding the problem area wasn't easy. The sedative made it difficult for them to recreate the arrhythmia, so they had to back off the medication and I ended up being awake for some of the procedure. That was quite uncomfortable and unnerving. Then they found 2 places that they ablated. It was scary and I cried a couple of times.
I was told that recovery would just be three or four days. I was told how to care for the places they stuck the tubes or whatever they used to get to my heart. I was not told what to expect in regards to how my heart would recover. I felt very tired and at times my heart felt irregular, my resting heart-rate was high. Two weeks later I finally called the cardiologist's office and talked to a nurse. She admitted that someone "forgot" to tell me what to expect regarding my heart. The places that were ablated were healing and it was normal for it to feel a bit irregular and not to worry about my heart rate. I was told it can take 6 weeks to three months to heal.
My conclusion to this is time will tell if my heart is healed. I have still felt some arrhythmia, but not anywhere near severe enough that I would go to the ER. I see the cardiologist June 17. It will be interesting to hear what he says then.
Oh and just to make more fun in my life...I had two almost 40 year old fillings replaced recently (and will probably have to get a crown on one of the molars) AND today I had an MRI (and even panicked in the MRI machine) to hopefully find out what has been causing my back pain. Yippee.
I know this may not be the most entertaining of blog posts. I just wanted to write it down so I can remember.
Next up....what God had been teaching me.
Monday, February 15, 2016
I Am Weak
2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.
I came across this verse a couple of weeks ago and it has been rolling around in my head ever since. I have never felt like a person that would be labeled as "strong". I cry easily, I struggle with self-worth, the older I get the more introverted I feel, I struggle with doubt. Nothing about that makes me feel very strong. When I read that verse from 2 Corinthians 12, I felt so encouraged. It says that I don't have to be strong that my weakness is there so Christ's power can be evident in me. How cool is that?
Last Wednesday afternoon I went through something that was very hard for me. I had surgery to remove half of my thyroid due to a nodule that was discovered. I'm told the surgery went well. I woke up in recovery crying (told you I cry easily). I asked for my husband so many times, the nurse went to find him. Having him stand next to me feeding me ice chips made me feel a little more calm. When the surgeon stopped to talk to me he asked me why I was crying and I remember saying I was crying because I was scared. He told me it was over and I didn't need to be scared. I guess I felt like the hard part is in front of me...the pain and the healing from the surgery.
As far as I can tell, recovery has been okay. I have taken a long nap every day. My neck feels sore and stiff especially when I look up or down. (Thankfully Hubby isn't a whole lot taller than me and I don't have too far to look up at him.) I have a bandage/tape thing over the site of the incision. That is bugging me and makes me feel like I am wearing a turtleneck, which I despise. I feel like I got punched in the neck. My neck is bruised. My throat is sore from the breathing tube that was stuck down there during surgery.
Some women from the Community Bible Study group we are involved in brought us supper Friday afternoon. We were so tickled with their thoughtfulness and with their visit. My daughter sweetly sent me videos of my 11 month old granddaughter for several days in a row to make me smile. My son has texted and called to check up on me. My sisters-in-law have mailed me cards. Countless people have said they are praying for me. (I wish my mom was able to call me because I just know she would if she could. Stupid stroke.)
The biopsy done before the surgery came back benign. (!!!) I'm still waiting to hear about the pathology report from the surgery. I will admit to feeling a little anxious about that, but trust God.
In two weeks I have an appointment with my cardiologist to see what he wants to do about my heart regrading the Supra Ventricular Tachycardia episode I had in December. So I'm not done with this health stuff yet.
All of that makes me feel weak.
But what has God promised me?
...but He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough - always available - regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness." Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.
~Amplified Version~
So I guess feeling weak isn't a bad thing from God's viewpoint.
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.
I came across this verse a couple of weeks ago and it has been rolling around in my head ever since. I have never felt like a person that would be labeled as "strong". I cry easily, I struggle with self-worth, the older I get the more introverted I feel, I struggle with doubt. Nothing about that makes me feel very strong. When I read that verse from 2 Corinthians 12, I felt so encouraged. It says that I don't have to be strong that my weakness is there so Christ's power can be evident in me. How cool is that?
Last Wednesday afternoon I went through something that was very hard for me. I had surgery to remove half of my thyroid due to a nodule that was discovered. I'm told the surgery went well. I woke up in recovery crying (told you I cry easily). I asked for my husband so many times, the nurse went to find him. Having him stand next to me feeding me ice chips made me feel a little more calm. When the surgeon stopped to talk to me he asked me why I was crying and I remember saying I was crying because I was scared. He told me it was over and I didn't need to be scared. I guess I felt like the hard part is in front of me...the pain and the healing from the surgery.
As far as I can tell, recovery has been okay. I have taken a long nap every day. My neck feels sore and stiff especially when I look up or down. (Thankfully Hubby isn't a whole lot taller than me and I don't have too far to look up at him.) I have a bandage/tape thing over the site of the incision. That is bugging me and makes me feel like I am wearing a turtleneck, which I despise. I feel like I got punched in the neck. My neck is bruised. My throat is sore from the breathing tube that was stuck down there during surgery.
Some women from the Community Bible Study group we are involved in brought us supper Friday afternoon. We were so tickled with their thoughtfulness and with their visit. My daughter sweetly sent me videos of my 11 month old granddaughter for several days in a row to make me smile. My son has texted and called to check up on me. My sisters-in-law have mailed me cards. Countless people have said they are praying for me. (I wish my mom was able to call me because I just know she would if she could. Stupid stroke.)
The biopsy done before the surgery came back benign. (!!!) I'm still waiting to hear about the pathology report from the surgery. I will admit to feeling a little anxious about that, but trust God.
In two weeks I have an appointment with my cardiologist to see what he wants to do about my heart regrading the Supra Ventricular Tachycardia episode I had in December. So I'm not done with this health stuff yet.
All of that makes me feel weak.
But what has God promised me?
...but He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough - always available - regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness." Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.
~Amplified Version~
So I guess feeling weak isn't a bad thing from God's viewpoint.
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