Weakness

I spent some time reading this afternoon. The book I have been reading is The Aviator's Wife by Melanie Benjamin. It's a fictional biography of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the wife of Charles Lindbergh. Here is a quote I read today that really caught my attention and I've been thinking about it ever since. This was Mrs. Lindbergh's mother speaking:

"You need to stop looking for heroes, Anne. Only the weak need heroes and heroes need those around them to remain weak. You're not weak."

When I first read that I thought, "Sure, that's true." But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that it is true in the secular world, but for me, as a Christian, not so much.

I have heard it said that being a Christian means that you are weak. It's meant to be a negative thing, but I wholeheartedly admit that I am weak and that I need Jesus to give me strength. These verses came to mind:

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

I am weak so that Christ's power can been seen in me. If it appears that I am strong or brave in any way, it's because of Jesus Christ in me. He is my strength. He is my hope. I often (as in probably something like 99% of often) face the hard things in my life with much terror, but Christ meets me there and brings me through. 

 

Just my serious thoughts for today. 

Today I am thankful for...

...Jesus' strength in me and available for everyone

...the fact that I don't need to panic, I have read the end of The Book, I know Who wins

...chocolate chip cookies because sometimes I just really need one

...a text and a phone call from my daughter today

...

Is This Thing On?

<tap> <tap> <tap>

****blowing off dust****

Is this thing on?

It's been almost two months since I last wrote or published anything on here. Lately, Hubby has been bugging encouraging me to start writing again. So tonight I decided to open this thing up, wiggle my fingers some to warm them up, and get going again.

This morning's reading for Community Bible Study was reviewing last week's lesson in Exodus (15-17). The Isrealites had made it out of Egypt and through the Red Sea. In our lesson last week they were following God through the desert and complaining about being hungry and thirsty. God provided for them each time. Then they were attacked and had a battle with the Amalekites (exodus 17). When the battle was over, God told Moses to write it down so it would always be remembered.

In the commentary was a small section that talked about how God wants us to remember His faithfulness. It asked the question, "Which of these - journals, keepsakes, special days - might you use to help you and the generations that come after you remember God's goodness to you?"
I thought of this blog. I write about just regular stuff we do and I write about my relationship with God. Maybe my grandchildren will read this some day and they can know about God's faithfulness in their Grammy's life. I would love to read a journal of my grandmothers' or even my  mother's.

I'm gonna attempt a daily post in November and list things that I am thankful for. Because what better month to do that in than November?

So here I go...

Thankful for...

...my 10.5 year old, 209,000 miles car that's running again after three days in the shop
...my God who is always faithful and always provides, even when I grumble and complain
...wearing flip-flops on November 1st
...my granddaughter and my grandson (I'm sure this will be a recurring theme)

Health ::: The Deep Stuff and All the Feelings

I wrote in my last post about all the health stuff I've been through so far this year. But I've been thinking a lot about how God has been working in me and what He's been teaching me through all of this.

The morning after my thyroid surgery, before I left the hospital, the surgeon stopped in for a brief visit. He mentioned in his comments that he would be calling me before the day was over with results from the pathology report. First of all, I was surprised that there would be a pathology report because I understood that the biopsy done earlier had come back as benign. Second of all, I was surprised that I would hear results that day.

As it turns out, I did not hear anything that day or for the next week. And I think I only finally heard because I called the office and my wonderful, caring husband called the office to ask what in the world was going on. As I said before, every day spent waiting for medical test results seems soooo loooong. I should never have been promised something that might not happen.  

The night before I got the call was a tough one for me. I was praying that God would spare me from cancer. I was convinced that I was going to die soon and never get to see my grandchildren grow up. (I can be be quite the drama queen in my own head and am an expert at jumping to the worse case scenario. It's exhausting.) I thought about some close friends who had gotten news that the prostate cancer was all gone. I was convinced that God used up all His goodness on them and there wasn't any left for me. In other words, I was listening to all the doubts that Satan could muster up. I woke up my dear, patient hubby at 2 or 3 in the morning and poured all this out to him. I asked what could I do to make God be favorable to me. Dearest Hubby assured me that Christ had already done everything for me by His death on the cross and the fact that I had accepted Jesus into my life, well, that alone found me favor in God's eyes. Hubby assured me that I am precious to God. These are truths that I know in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time really believing. I also know in my head that life in heaven is so beyond what I can comprehend here. I have a feeling that whenever I get to heaven that I will smack myself and wonder why I wanted to fight so hard to stay on earth.

So, finally, a week after the thyroid surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. The summary of the report was that the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer that could only be seen through a microscope. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)

This news just knocked me off my feet. I cried for an hour. And by cry, I mean I sobbed. I called Hubby and my kids. They rejoiced with me. Even sweet little Lydia clapped her hands when her mommy cheered. I called a good friend in Minnesota and talked for an hour. (I thanked her recently for being there for me and for listening while I processed the whole thing.)

Just think ..... If my heart would not have starting racing and I would not have gone to the ER back in December, I would not have had the CT scan that showed something on my thyroid. I would not have had an ultrasound that showed nodules (the doctor couldn't feel any lumps on my neck). I would not have had the surgery that removed the half of the thyroid that had the microscopic bit of cancer. The cancer would have grown undetected until it got to the point that someone felt a lump in my throat and I would have had to go through cancer treatments.

Talk about answers to impossible prayers!! I am seriously trying to wrap my mind around all of this. God did all that for ME?? Whoa. He must think more of me than I give Him credit for.

(This next paragraph may seem like I'm changing subjects, but bear with me, it all ties together.)

I am the youngest in the family I grew up in. For several years for family events, I have quite often felt like I was there only to fill a quota. Because there are four kids in my family, then there must be four kids present at family gatherings. I don't feel acknowledged for the person I uniquely am. I realized a while ago that is exactly how I think God views me. Sure, He loves me because I am His child, but generally I am just one of the gang, one of the swarm of believers. There's nothing particularly special about me.

(Isn't it interesting how the earthly relationships we have can affect how we view God? I find that fascinating.)

So, when I got that pathology report, I realized that God said that He notices ME. (That's why I sobbed. It was a mind boggling revelation.) He really does think of me more than I give Him credit for. Heck, Psalm 139 specifically speaks to that. (Click on the link and go read it.) His kindness is staggering. His unconditional love is more than I can ever hope to comprehend.

I know that in all likelihood I will experience more health issues in the future. They might even be scarier and harder to deal with. That will not change the fact that God notices me and that He loves me and He is kind. I am oh, so very thankful for God showing me these things right here, right now. It's all a part of His plan. It's all a part of growing more like Christ. It's all a part of being a Christian.

I'm thankful to be a (unique) part of the family of God.

God's Plan All Along

Last Friday was my wonderful husband's birthday. While every year I am so thankful to celebrate his birthday with him, this year I learned something that shocked me and at the same time made me all the more thankful.

When I visited my parents shortly before Christmas, my dad gave me a box that was filled with my childhood mementos that my mom had saved. It had my baby book, (with not a whole lot in it which comes from being the fourth baby in six and a half years), old photographs, concert programs, the newspaper clipping with my photo from when I was four years old, to copies of my family's Christmas letters. As part of my birthday present (which is about two weeks after Christmas) I asked for Hubby's time to go through the box with me. One night I started to read several of the Christmas letters starting with the one from the year I was born. That year my parents had taken some time away alone without all four of us kids.  They picked me up before they gathered my three older siblings. I was in a basket on the front seat of the car between my parents (no car seats) and my dad tried to pass someone on the two-lane highway. There was a slight rise in the road and he didn't see the oncoming car. There was a head-on collision. Dad broke an arm, Mom shattered a knee cap, broke an arm and cut her head and spent three months in the hospital. I rolled on the floor and wasn't hurt at all. I was three months old.

I've known about the car accident my whole life, so what about that shocked me so much? The date of the accident was April 7th. The day before my husband was born! I fully believe that God spared my life that day to be that man's wife 23 years later.

Talk about God having a plan! Pretty cool, huh?

Me (the baby) and my family. My first Christmas. Notice my mom's left leg? Ever since the car accident she has only been able to bend that leg to a right angle. 

My sweet hubby as a baby and his mom. 

A Little Update

Here we are a week into 2016. This ole blog fell to the wayside in December. Why? December was a heck of a month for us. Here's a brief summary:

I was pretty sick with a terrible cold most of the first two weeks. The second weekend of December Hubby and I drove to North Carolina to visit my parents in their new home. On the way back home, we got a phone call that Hubby's mother was in the hospital because she had suffered a stroke. Thankfully, she recovered quickly and was home after three days in the hospital.

That same Sunday night found me in the Emergency Room. My heart started racing. I woke Hubby up and told him we needed to go to the hospital. We were in the ER from about 2am to 7am. I was diagnosed with Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. I have since been referred to a cardiologist that specializes in the electrical system of the heart. I may have to have a procedure done to make the cells that made my heart go into SVT not do that anymore.

In the meantime....

The CT Scan I had in the ER showed something on my thyroid. So I had an ultrasound done and that showed a nodule. So now I am waiting for an appointment with an endocrinologist to see what needs to be done about that.

That is the brief summary on why December was a heck of a month.

But, Jesus is still sitting at the right hand of God.

I quite often sing this verse of one of my favorite hymns:

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And has shed His own blood for my soul.


I have shed a lot of tears. I have prayed and prayed. I have BEGGED people to pray for me. I don't know what the outcome of these two things will be. I am trying to cling to what Jesus has done for me.

I would appreciate the prayers of whoever reads this.

I Know Who I Am

I spent the first two days of this week proving to the state of South Carolina that I am me.

Why? I was trying to get a South Carolina driver's license for me and South Carolina license plates for our cars.

There are many steps required by the state to go through to get this accomplished. I would say the easiest part was paying the property taxes for the cars.

Then came the DMV.

I may be wrong, but I got the distinct feeling that the lady who first receives the people at the local DMV delights in finding that you don't have the right documents. I went on Monday afternoon to get the list (which she quickly rattled off) and Hubby and I searched boxes for the correct documents. We were having a hard time finding some of the required documents and frustration was setting in. I prayed for God to intervene, and a few minutes later Hubby comes upstairs with a three-ring binder and starts pulling out the necessary documents. I laughed. It was a very logical place because a few years ago I asked Hubby to put together a notebook. In it is all our important papers and information about financial stuff, etc. Hubby did a wonderful job of organizing it. The problem was, we both forgot about it!! We blamed it on the stress of moving. Yes, absolutely that and not the getting older and all that stuff.

Tuesday we both went to the DMV together to finish all of this. As we were showing different official documents, I thought that it seemed a very difficult task to prove we are who we are.

But I KNOW who I am IN CHRIST. And I couldn't be more thankful.

Romans 10:9 says:  If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

If I am saved, then I am a child of God.

Galatians 3:26-28 says: So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

1 John 3:1 says: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

I am thankful that God doesn't require a birth certificate, passport, marriage license, proof of address, social security card to call me His child. 

So grateful.

New

Here's the thing with moving, especially moving to a part of the country I've never been in before:

Everything is new.

The streets are new, the weather (for January for me) is new, the license plates on the cars are new, the grocery store chains are new, the people are new, accents are new, the customs of the local people are new, the churches are new, the landscaping around homes are new (holly bushes!), banks are new, places to travel to by car are new, phone numbers are new.

I think I'm getting my point across.

A few days ago I got a new cell phone. I really wanted a non-Minnesota phone number for one thing, and another thing was my old cell phone's microphone didn't work anymore. Makes it kind of difficult to use as a phone. I do have a bluetooth, so that worked fine for when I needed it. While upgrading a cell phone is usually a cool thing, I found myself being overwhelmed with one more new thing to adapt to. There is always a period of time spent trying to figure out the nuances of a new cell phone.

As I have pondered all this newness, it has made me grateful to know that my God isn't new. He is always the same.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

Hebrews 13:8 says, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Those are good things.

My dad wrote on my birthday card he sent me this week that God has gone before us to South Carolina. For that I am grateful. I am grateful my dad reminded me of that.