Health ::: The Deep Stuff and All the Feelings

I wrote in my last post about all the health stuff I've been through so far this year. But I've been thinking a lot about how God has been working in me and what He's been teaching me through all of this.

The morning after my thyroid surgery, before I left the hospital, the surgeon stopped in for a brief visit. He mentioned in his comments that he would be calling me before the day was over with results from the pathology report. First of all, I was surprised that there would be a pathology report because I understood that the biopsy done earlier had come back as benign. Second of all, I was surprised that I would hear results that day.

As it turns out, I did not hear anything that day or for the next week. And I think I only finally heard because I called the office and my wonderful, caring husband called the office to ask what in the world was going on. As I said before, every day spent waiting for medical test results seems soooo loooong. I should never have been promised something that might not happen.  

The night before I got the call was a tough one for me. I was praying that God would spare me from cancer. I was convinced that I was going to die soon and never get to see my grandchildren grow up. (I can be be quite the drama queen in my own head and am an expert at jumping to the worse case scenario. It's exhausting.) I thought about some close friends who had gotten news that the prostate cancer was all gone. I was convinced that God used up all His goodness on them and there wasn't any left for me. In other words, I was listening to all the doubts that Satan could muster up. I woke up my dear, patient hubby at 2 or 3 in the morning and poured all this out to him. I asked what could I do to make God be favorable to me. Dearest Hubby assured me that Christ had already done everything for me by His death on the cross and the fact that I had accepted Jesus into my life, well, that alone found me favor in God's eyes. Hubby assured me that I am precious to God. These are truths that I know in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time really believing. I also know in my head that life in heaven is so beyond what I can comprehend here. I have a feeling that whenever I get to heaven that I will smack myself and wonder why I wanted to fight so hard to stay on earth.

So, finally, a week after the thyroid surgery, I got a call from the surgeon's office with the results of the pathology test. The summary of the report was that the large nodule was benign. There was a tiny nodule that wasn't seen on the ultrasound. And in that was a very small microscopic bit of cancer that could only be seen through a microscope. The surgeon was able to remove all of what cancer there was and I have not had to go through any cancer treatments. (!!!)

This news just knocked me off my feet. I cried for an hour. And by cry, I mean I sobbed. I called Hubby and my kids. They rejoiced with me. Even sweet little Lydia clapped her hands when her mommy cheered. I called a good friend in Minnesota and talked for an hour. (I thanked her recently for being there for me and for listening while I processed the whole thing.)

Just think ..... If my heart would not have starting racing and I would not have gone to the ER back in December, I would not have had the CT scan that showed something on my thyroid. I would not have had an ultrasound that showed nodules (the doctor couldn't feel any lumps on my neck). I would not have had the surgery that removed the half of the thyroid that had the microscopic bit of cancer. The cancer would have grown undetected until it got to the point that someone felt a lump in my throat and I would have had to go through cancer treatments.

Talk about answers to impossible prayers!! I am seriously trying to wrap my mind around all of this. God did all that for ME?? Whoa. He must think more of me than I give Him credit for.

(This next paragraph may seem like I'm changing subjects, but bear with me, it all ties together.)

I am the youngest in the family I grew up in. For several years for family events, I have quite often felt like I was there only to fill a quota. Because there are four kids in my family, then there must be four kids present at family gatherings. I don't feel acknowledged for the person I uniquely am. I realized a while ago that is exactly how I think God views me. Sure, He loves me because I am His child, but generally I am just one of the gang, one of the swarm of believers. There's nothing particularly special about me.

(Isn't it interesting how the earthly relationships we have can affect how we view God? I find that fascinating.)

So, when I got that pathology report, I realized that God said that He notices ME. (That's why I sobbed. It was a mind boggling revelation.) He really does think of me more than I give Him credit for. Heck, Psalm 139 specifically speaks to that. (Click on the link and go read it.) His kindness is staggering. His unconditional love is more than I can ever hope to comprehend.

I know that in all likelihood I will experience more health issues in the future. They might even be scarier and harder to deal with. That will not change the fact that God notices me and that He loves me and He is kind. I am oh, so very thankful for God showing me these things right here, right now. It's all a part of His plan. It's all a part of growing more like Christ. It's all a part of being a Christian.

I'm thankful to be a (unique) part of the family of God.

Like a River Glorious is God's Perfect Peace

My hubby is a wonderful piano player. I love listening to him play. When Lydia was here last month, he sat down at the piano and played for her.

She was entranced. This picture just melts my heart.

When I took this picture, Hubby was playing this hymn:

Like a river glorious is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way. 

Refrain:
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there. 

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

I didn't ask him if he chose that specific song on purpose, or if it was just a random choice.  Almost twenty-four years ago when our daughter was 20 months old, she spent three days in the hospital because of some sort of an internal bleed. (I wrote about it on my other blog a while ago, you can click here to read the details.) During those three days we were in the hospital, God put this hymn in my head. Every single time I have heard it since then, I tear up and remember those scary days. I also thank God for Megan's life and beautiful, godly woman she has grown to be.

The hymn's text celebrates the blessing of trusting in God's care and keeping. Such trust produces peace.

I saw this sign as I was shopping at Hobby Lobby last month with my daughter and granddaughter. 

As I thought about what we had gone through with our daughter, and I heard Hubby playing that hymn TO OUR GRANDDAUGHTER, I realized that there is so much of God's grace in this sweet, little, happy, beautiful face.

Lydia Mae when she was five months old and had been on her first plane ride to visit us.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all creatures here below, 

Praise Him above ye heavenly host

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

The Weekend in Review

It was a stay-at-home-and-finish-up-some-projects kind of weekend.

Oh who am I kidding? The "projects" are really never, ever finished.  Heavy sigh.

Friday night, kind of at the last minute, we made reservations for dinner and dashed out the door. On the way there, I looked down at my shirt and realized I hadn't changed it like I had intended. It didn't look horrible, but I have kind of designated the shirt for a hang-around-the-house-and-maybe-go-to-the-grocery-store-kind-of-shirt. You know, the type: old, a little faded, a couple of small  holes, but not yet pajama-worthy. I only mention this because when we got to the restaurant and I saw someone come out in kind of nice, business-causal kind of clothes, I cringed. I felt severely under-dressed. I have never been more thankful for low-lighting in a restaurant! ha. ha. Anyway... the food was good, and we'd go back....dressed a little nicer, of course.

When we got back home, Hubby talked me through the things he was hoping to do on Saturday, which included hanging 544 more pictures. In my infinite wisdom, I decided I wanted to hang up ALL the "people" pictures we have. Believe me, after 31 years of marriage, we have a LOT of them! (And of course, I mean I wanted Hubby to hang up the pictures, because I am absolutely not the engineer in the family and would do a horrible job of it and would probably require having to redo all the dry-wall in the house.) And then on Sunday I decided to add six more pictures to the lot that didn't have frames, which of course required trips to Target and Michael's.

Anyway, back to Friday...

Before I got ready for bed I called my dad to catch-up as he had been to the Mayo in Rochester, MN the day before. He's getting some good help for himself and is striving to be in good health so he can take care of my mom. It was good to catch up even if the conversation was cut short because my brother and nephew showed up at my parents' house for the weekend.

Saturday was a pretty awesome day for me. I spent the whole day with Beth Moore and didn't have to leave my house at all! How? I signed up to participate in the Living Proof Live Simulcast. She was in Wichita and the conference was broadcast all over the world. 150,000 people! I just tucked myself in our bedroom with my laptop, Bible and notebook and had a blast. At the lunch break, Hubby asked me if I was glad I was participating and I said I am never disappointed with Beth's teaching.

Beth taught about living with audacity, which means to live with intrepid (resolute fearlessness) boldness. Certainly something I struggle with.

Romans 8:15  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Because of Jesus in my life, who has all the authority and is my Savior, I can have audacity.

I want to stay in the Word and not water it down to be more palatable to the world. (Here are words to a "lullaby" from Satan that Beth wrote: Rock-a-bye Christian lulled by the world. When the wind blows all hell will unfurl. Stay in your sleep distracted or scared so when I wreak havoc you won't be prepared."   Chilling.)
 
I want to pray for astonishing works of the Holy Spirit. 

I want to forgive and live forgiven. 

I want to hold on to Romans 8:18 - "For I consider that our present sufferings cannot even be compared to the coming glory that will be revealed to us."

I want to walk in humility. That means I have 0% confidence in the flesh and 100% confidence in the Holy Spirit.

I do not want to exude pretense and showiness. I want to exude Jesus.

That's a brief summary of the notes I scribbled down. It was a cool thing to sit and watch and listen to Beth teach over my computer.

By the time I was finished with that, Hubby was in the midst of planting a bunch of bushes outside. Boy howdy, he sure is working hard to make this house look nice! By the time Hubby was all done with that and cleaned up it was time for him to sit down and relax and watch the Iowa State / Iowa football game. How cool is it that we got to watch that all the way out here? Unfortunately, Iowa State lost. Supper involved a little ordering on-line and me dashing to Panera to pick it up. Have I mentioned how much I love that Panera is 2.1 miles from my house?

Sunday was filled with church, lunch out, and an afternoon of putting things away and telling Hubby what stuff to hang up where. Poor guy. He probably doesn't want to ever look at another hammer again. At least he got to watch the Chiefs and the Royals play! A stellar weekend of sports for him to be able to watch all his favorite teams! Now he just needs a TV set up in the basement so he doesn't have to listen to my highly entertaining commentary. And by highly entertaining, I mean annoying.

And now on to this week...

Surprised

Easter morning found us at a type of church we have only been to one other time. (Christmas morning 1999, Hanmer Springs, New Zealand.)

This year we celebrated Easter at an Anglican church. There are two couples in our Community Bible Study group who attend this church and had invited us to visit. What better Sunday than Easter?

I really wasn't sure what to expect. I guess I expected something dry and rote. Boy, was I surprised! There was a definite feeling of joy of the resurrection of Jesus and glorifying God going on!

The service started with what they called The Flowering of the Cross. Children (and some adults) came forward to put flowers on the cross. It was beautiful.

The fragrance from the flowers was lovely!

It is a very liturgical church, so there was a lot of responsive reading. The minister (Priest? I don't know what they are called in the Anglican church) gave a gospel-filled message wanting people to actually know Jesus and have a relationship with him. (I've been to too many church services where the sermon could be summarized as "Go be nice to people".)

After the sermon, communion was served. Everyone filed up front to receive communion. Since we had name tags on, I was touched to hear my name from the minister (priest?), "Judy, this is Christ's body broken for you. Judy, this is Christ's blood shed for you." Love the personal touch. I was moved by watching the ministers lay their hands on the heads of some of the children that went up with there parents and pray for them. I wondered what they prayed.

I was amused at the spring and Easter garb. Evidently men of the South like to wear bow-ties, pastel plaid sport coats and I saw more than one man wearing a light blue and white striped sear-sucker suit. Oh my. The three year old little boy with the saddle shoes and the light blue and white sear-sucker suit was cute, but the men? Hmmmmm.

Overall, it was a beautiful celebration. I was happy to be surprised.

I Know Who I Am

I spent the first two days of this week proving to the state of South Carolina that I am me.

Why? I was trying to get a South Carolina driver's license for me and South Carolina license plates for our cars.

There are many steps required by the state to go through to get this accomplished. I would say the easiest part was paying the property taxes for the cars.

Then came the DMV.

I may be wrong, but I got the distinct feeling that the lady who first receives the people at the local DMV delights in finding that you don't have the right documents. I went on Monday afternoon to get the list (which she quickly rattled off) and Hubby and I searched boxes for the correct documents. We were having a hard time finding some of the required documents and frustration was setting in. I prayed for God to intervene, and a few minutes later Hubby comes upstairs with a three-ring binder and starts pulling out the necessary documents. I laughed. It was a very logical place because a few years ago I asked Hubby to put together a notebook. In it is all our important papers and information about financial stuff, etc. Hubby did a wonderful job of organizing it. The problem was, we both forgot about it!! We blamed it on the stress of moving. Yes, absolutely that and not the getting older and all that stuff.

Tuesday we both went to the DMV together to finish all of this. As we were showing different official documents, I thought that it seemed a very difficult task to prove we are who we are.

But I KNOW who I am IN CHRIST. And I couldn't be more thankful.

Romans 10:9 says:  If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

If I am saved, then I am a child of God.

Galatians 3:26-28 says: So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

1 John 3:1 says: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

I am thankful that God doesn't require a birth certificate, passport, marriage license, proof of address, social security card to call me His child. 

So grateful.