Last night Hubby was invited to attend a Greenville Drive minor league baseball game by a local college that Hubby's company works with. Since he could bring a guest, I tagged along. I'm not a huge sports fan, but I can sit through a game now and then and sitting in a suite, meeting some new people and having yummy food sounded fun.
The game was rain-delayed about an hour, someone forgot to order the food and we ended up with hotdogs and chicken strips. Not terrible, but not great. I ended up not talking to anyone. A few people introduced themselves, but quickly went on to other conversations.
I titled this post Weary. Why? Because that's how I am feeling about this move. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to be here in South Carolina. It's a beautiful part of the country that I haven't explored and am excited to. It's just this transition time that seems to drag on and on and being the new kid on the block that is making me weary.
I don't know if it's just me or if it's common with all humans, but I long to feel like I belong. I've even forced myself to use the word (or is it words) Y'all to try to sound like I belong, but it sounds foreign to this Midwesterner. (But I'll keep trying because it is cooler sounding that You Guys.)
I can't even count the number of churches we have visited since we moved here in January. So far we haven't found one that seems like a good fit. If we have a conversation with someone at one of those churches, it seems to be one sided...the other person doing all the talking and not asking any questions about us. Is it because we all have a desire to tell our story? I know I do and I get weary because no one wants to hear it. Maybe that's selfish. Maybe the point of all this is for me to learn other people's stories and not push mine. All the same, I still long for a friend I can meet for lunch and have a nice long two-sided talk.
I think God created us to be in relationship with other people. In fellowship with other believers. I keep looking for that, but I grow weary at times.
When we were looking for a new job, our prayers turned from, "Dear God, Make this job available because this town seems like a logical place for us to move to because of location and closeness of family," to (after many no's from God), "Dear God, Your will. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. Amen." So even though I don't understand how living halfway across the country from our kids is God's answer to that prayer, I believe this place is God's answer to that prayer.
There is a story in the Old Testament book of Exodus, chapter 17 about a battle the Israelites were in:
So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill.
As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but
whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When
Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he
sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the
other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
Exodus 17:10-13
I feel weary and tired. I need help and prayer to keep my head up. I want living in South Carolina to be a wonderful experience we look back on with fond, positive memories. I'll keep praying, "Dear God, Your will. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. Amen." I'll probably continue to have times when I feel weary.
But in the end,
God is still God and Jesus is still sitting at His right hand.
And that's all that is important.
Praise be to God.
Like the Cheers theme song says, "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came." That line has always hit home with me. Probably because home has been SO MANY places for me. You know I grew up moving and have carried it all through adulthood. And . .. here we go again in just a few months. I completely understand your feelings of longing to belong. I have always felt like the outsider, all my life. That is part of what made coming to Christ such a joy for me. I FINALLY BELONG. And this is eternal belonging. No job change, transfer or anything else can change my status. I am no longer a stranger or an alien through Christ (Ephesians 2:19). And you, my sister, are also part of God's forever household. I can confidently say that you don't belong in South Carolina -- or Iowa -- or Kansas -- or anywhere else on this planet (though it sure would be nice to stay there for a while, huh?!). But you certainly DO belong in HIs kingdom -- and where ever He leads you here, for now. I pray that His people in South Carolina will see this great treasure (you and hubby) that He has brought to them. And I pray you will find beauty in all the stories you hear as you wait for someone to appreciate your story.
ReplyDeleteDitto Laura's words! And praise God that you and hubby (your best friend) made this move together! Imagine all those newly-separated/divorced/widowed/hubby-at-war women who may be making a big move in life....alone. But oh, there are support groups for them, right? And us "normal, well-adjusted" people are supposed to do it all alone. You are not alone, and hubby (and Jesus, and your blog readers) can listen to you and get you through this. Look forward to opportunities to meet new people. Do not be discouraged! Be thankful for hubby's employment that allowed this move across the country. Remember winters in the Midwest. Make a new quilt. Keep seeking a church that preaches God's word, even if you don't feel you fit in. We heard a speaker just 2 weeks ago who attends Willow Creek Church. She spoke on "How to be a warm and welcoming church". There are lots of people IN CHURCHES who are too busy with their tasks of the day to greet a new-comer. She intentionally visits new churches just to see what works and what doesn't (and to gather more stories for her presentation...). 90% of people make a decision about coming back to a church within the first 90 seconds. So it's not the music, the sermon, or how comfy the pews are. It's the people! We need to be more bold (not aggressive) in extending ourselves to others and their needs. However, those people are not reading my comments right now. So stand firm in your faith, your relationship with each other, and God's leading in this move.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're feeling weary and alone. I will pray that you find a good church home and a good friend (or two).
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